I’m Home.

24 Apr

Kneeling in the empty sanctuary, nothing lit but the Tabernacle, no one present but a few setting up in the fellowship hall, the only sound the clacking of my rosary beads.

(I was shaking, so there was more clacking than usual).

There were no Hail Mary’s – in Latin, English, or Esperanto.

There were no Divine Mercy prayers.

This is the last time. This is the last time. This is the last time.

Butterflies. Anxiety. Tears. Hurt. Pain.

Pain. Pain. Pain.

Good bye is never easy.

Easy, without difficulty, habit. Habitual.

Does my hair look okay in the back?

Concentrate. Concentration.

Hail Mary. . .this is the last time. This is the last time. This is the last time.

Breathe. Release. Breathe. Release.

Good bye. 

Entering again, even darker, even quieter, with my godfamily beside me.

“Christ our light.”

“Christ our light.”

“Christ our light.”

May it always dispel the darkness of this night.

Water. Oil. Bread. Wine.

Holiness. Fire. Body. Blood.

Tears. My tears.

Home.

I’m home.

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32 Responses to “I’m Home.”

  1. Hallie April 24, 2011 at 4:38 pm #

    I’ve said this already but it bears repeating…

    Welcome home!

    XOXOXO

  2. heartshapedstone April 24, 2011 at 5:01 pm #

    So, so beautiful. Big hugs. Welcome home, sister. It’s good to be here.

    • Melanie B April 24, 2011 at 5:24 pm #

      Welcome home. It is good to have you here.

  3. Emily April 24, 2011 at 5:13 pm #

    I am so happy for you. I can’t wait to come home. this is absolutely beautiful.

  4. Kate April 24, 2011 at 5:53 pm #

    I was thinking about you during our own Easter vigil — welcome home!

  5. Kimberlie April 24, 2011 at 6:43 pm #

    You are home. Forever. You were radiant. You were beautiful. You are a blessing!

    Welcome home!

  6. convertingheart April 24, 2011 at 7:00 pm #

    Praise be to God! Welcome Home, Kassie!!!

  7. spilisz08 April 24, 2011 at 7:03 pm #

    Yes! Welcome, welcome, welcome! God Bless you. 🙂

  8. Tienne McKenzie April 24, 2011 at 7:04 pm #

    *snif* Welcome home!

  9. KLB April 24, 2011 at 7:06 pm #

    Welcome Home! Our stories of conversion – also known as “our testimony” to Protestants – are the experiential elements that continue to drive our living faith. Christ is our model. Thanks be to God!

  10. Laura April 24, 2011 at 9:08 pm #

    Welcome!

  11. Lianna April 24, 2011 at 9:21 pm #

    Welcome home! We’re are so glad you’re here!

  12. Kathy April 24, 2011 at 10:56 pm #

    We are always stronger because of converts, not simply in numbers, but by witness. You remind everyone else in the Church of the beauty of the gift we sometimes take for granted. What is familiar to us is fresh to you.

    Welcome, and thank you! (and still praying for you)

  13. Sarah @BeatenCopperLamp April 24, 2011 at 11:38 pm #

    I’ve read this three times today and teared up every time. Welcome home! The Church is stronger for having you here. I’ll be praying for your continuing journey.

  14. Cam April 25, 2011 at 1:06 am #

    Congratulations and Welcome Home!!!!!

  15. Brent April 25, 2011 at 5:48 am #

    Christ the Good Shepherd has gently guided you back into the fold. His daughter who was lost is found. Welcome Home!

  16. Kathleen@so much to say April 25, 2011 at 8:11 am #

    Yours was the post I was searching for when I opened my Google reader today after 4 days away from the internet. I can’t wait to hear you “unpack” it more! Hugs, hugs, hugs.

  17. priest's wife April 25, 2011 at 12:01 pm #

    !!!!!!

  18. ofbutterflywings April 25, 2011 at 1:41 pm #

    Welcome home, sister. Doesn’t it feel good?

  19. Becky April 25, 2011 at 11:41 pm #

    Welcome home!! Isn’t it a surreal feeling? All the anticipation and preparation, then suddenly you’re receiving the Eucharist and your life is never the same : )

  20. Ciska April 26, 2011 at 8:14 am #

    Welcome home!
    Isn’t it wonderful on this side?!

  21. Elizabeth Esther April 26, 2011 at 6:17 pm #

    Welcome Home, sweetheart. I’m glad we were able to talk during Holy Week. My prayers and love was with you the whole time. You’re safe. Forever.

  22. Megan April 26, 2011 at 10:44 pm #

    Welcome home!! I have been thinking about you!!!

  23. Dianna April 27, 2011 at 12:17 pm #

    I found your site through Hallie …. just wanted to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed reading, and so PROUD of you!

  24. Kerri B. April 27, 2011 at 4:34 pm #

    Welcome home!!!

  25. Cléo April 28, 2011 at 1:00 pm #

    Hi Kassie,
    I’ve been reading your (hilarious yet moving) blog for half a year now, and am happy to read that you are (finally) (already) home! Halleluia indeed! Enjoy this very special Eastertime.
    My husband and I will also be received in the Church (Confirmation and First Communion) at Pentecoast! Less then 50 days to go : )

  26. ceciliamaria April 29, 2011 at 9:37 am #

    Beautiful!! So glad to have you among our ranks! Welcome home. 🙂

  27. Melissa Spence May 2, 2011 at 8:20 pm #

    Loved this post. Welcome home.

  28. Steve May 3, 2011 at 9:54 am #

    Kassie: I’ve been checking in on your site off and on for a couple weeks since a friend recommended it and follow you on Twitter. God Bless you! You have an amazing story and are a very talented writer.

    I noticed on your Tweets you mentioned going to Mass again on, what I believe, was Easter Sunday, even though you attended the Vigil for your confirmation into the Church. I learned something this Lent from my pastor that I was totally unaware of (and most Catholics for that matter): The Easter Vigil does NOT fulfill one’s Sunday obligation! They are two different liturgies and while one celebrates Easter the other is a regular Sunday obligation. It’s not like Saturday evening and Sunday liturgies, which are the same, and therefore Saturday is an option for fulfilling Sunday’s weekly obligation. Don’t ask me to make too much sense of it . . . our pastor was even hesitant to bring it up b/c he understands that people don’t want to go to a 3-hour Mass Saturday night and then come back for 2 hours Sunday. But I bet most Catholics do not know this b/c pastors prefer people to attend the Vigil and know that if they had to choose, most would then attend Sunday if they knew that was the only way to fulfill their Easter obligation. Of course, if one is ignorant of this, it is not a sin. But as more people learn this, I wonder what the future holds for Easter Saturday VIgils.

    Has anyone else here heard of, or aware of this?

  29. Margaret in Minnesota May 10, 2011 at 6:35 am #

    Just checking in…

    Are you on your “honeymoon?” Have you left for Rome to celebrate your coming home? I hope you’re doing well.

  30. Michelle May 11, 2011 at 12:56 am #

    Congratulations!! Welcome to the family!
    I just found your blog – this was a beautiful first post to read 🙂
    May the Lord bless you and keep you, and lead you ever deeper into His heart.
    Pax et bonum!

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