Warnings:1. If sex makes you queasy (I’m sorry), please feel free to come back tomorrow. I’ll have something less scandalous for you. 2. If you are either of my parents, you can leave, too. 3. If you are a virgin, congratulations. This doesn’t apply to you. Except for the very end. 4. If you aren’t a virgin (and you’re not married) or you’re a just-barely “technical” virgin (this isn’t the time for Clinton games), this post is for you.
I am not a chaste little flower.
Exactly what I have or haven’t done when and with whom under what circumstances is between me, God, and baptism. And. . .maybe one or two confessors since then.
I’ve made my fair share of poor choices, and you know what? As much as I would like to say that I’m full of self-loathing at the very remembrance of most of them, I, uh. . .can’t.
One? Can I be honest? I thoroughly enjoyed most of them. But two?
. . .because I’m done with the whole self-loathing regret thing.
It’s a really bad look for me. (I also look really awful as a hipster, coincidentally).
There is an unhealthy obsession with holding physical virginity as some kind of status card by which the worth of women (and men) are judged. And to you, I say: You are not your hymen.
You are STILL YOU.
Sin does not define you.
Newsflash? The waters of baptism, the redemptive power of Christ, and the continuing call to repentance are what defines you.
Choices define our situation and our situations can in turn shape who we become, but we are still – I repeat, still – the person God created.
Having intact physical virginity does not automatically grant you access to some secret higher level club in Christendom. Which is like, really good for me, because all other circumstances coming off the table, I had an extremely unfortunate freak bicycle accident when I was 9 that would have really shot me in the foot under Levitical law.
I’m not trying to excuse mortal sin or make it seem like it isn’t really that big of a deal. BECAUSE IT IS. But quite frankly, I am so. sick. and. tired. of hearing people plunge into the depths of utter despair because they think their future spouse will never love them fully after they find out that they got busy in the backseat of a car in high school – or made out in a movie theater – or held the hand of a guy they weren’t related to.
If a man doesn’t want you because you aren’t a virgin, then you have no business being with that man in the first place. Wash that dirt off your feet and MOVE ON, darling.
And readers who have maintained purity, physically and otherwise? I applaud you. But please, please be careful how you think of those of us who struggle with sex and lust and everything in between. Because fornication is mortal sin, but so is pride. We have so much we can learn from you, and I love and admire the women in my life that walked a different road than I did.
One of my favorite songs from my fundacostal days includes the line, “For a saint is just a sinner who fell down, and got up.”
You have value.
You have worth.
You have beauty.
And the absence of virginity doesn’t change that.
That’s the beauty of reconciliation and forgiveness.