Archive | October, 2011

First signs of insanity?

25 Oct

Sometimes I have conversations with myself.

Okay, all the time I have conversations with myself.

Sometimes these conversations are audible.

“Kassie,” says I, “That decision, love, was patently stupid. No. That decision was nigh unto irresponsibly immature and thou must needs return thine Grown Up card to the powers that be, post-haste.” My subconscious has lexicon related identity issues.

Typically these conversations transpire after events which usually involve me saying exactly what I’m thinking to whom I’m thinking about. Or, with a frequency even more alarming, at times when I convince myself that staying up/sleeping in just a few more minutes won’t matter to anyone except my hair. But this time, dear readers.

This time.

This time that conversation was preemptive, as I made the official decision to dive into Nanowrimo yet-a-frickin-gain. And I’m recording that conversation here, so that three weeks from now when I’m griping and moaning and complaining and tearfully chugging copious amounts of. . . . . coffee. . . . ., my subconscious can snap me out of it with: “Get over it, you whining moron. You knew this was a completely insane time to try and churn out 50,000 more words, so suck it up and write, damn it.”

In a rare moment of realism I had the good sense to agree to modify the challenge to “Write 50,000 words in whatever medium you can”, which is far less impressive than being able to shrug and off-handedly comment about the status of my latest novel. But it’s already been established that me and chic don’t exactly get along.

I have too much hair for that.

But here’s to you, fellow nanowrimoers. Enjoy your last few days of sanity before. . .you know, The End.

Just breathe.

23 Oct

This song has been stuck in my head all weekend. To be perfectly honest, I can’t even tell you why.

[So I’m going to spend the next thirty minutes agonizing over telling you why, anyway.]

It’s a particularly chaotic time in my life with inordinate amounts of Unknown, but it isn’t unhappy. Still, every time I’ve heard the chorus of this song recently I break down and cry, wherever I’m at, which isn’t typically my modus operandi.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Life doesn’t always make sense, and as painful as it is for my hyper-analytical mind to accept, sometimes that’s okay.

Sometimes that’s what I need.

Sometimes I just have to accept the unknown, accept the pain and the growth and the joy and the blindsides and the No and the Yes all right along with each other, and I have to know that whatever happens, I will be alright.

And if pressing pause on the world for five minutes and crawling under my blankets to breathe is what it takes to get there, then so be it.

Friends and Family

23 Oct

I feel like I should rename this blog, “Kassie’s Desperate Pleas For Prayer From Cyber Catholic Friends”.

It isn’t as pithy, so I won’t.

But we lost my great-grandmother this week somewhat unexpectedly, and I’m back in Texas for the funeral. Anytime you get a family as large as my extended family in one place, there is going to be some chaos. My Mimi was one of the most loving, fiercely loyal, beautifully strong women it has ever been my pleasure to come across, and she will be dearly, dearly missed.

The weekend hasn’t been all sad, however – I stopped in Dallas yesterday on my way home and spent the night with Calah and her wonderful family. There was wine, and Doctor Who, and babies, and a whole menu full of Pioneer Woman recipes. I even got to indoctrinate the budding ballerina Sienna with Giselle video clips on youtube. It makes me tear up a little bit to think about how God brings people into our lives in the most bizarre, unsuspected ways at exactly the right time.

Also not sad: my godmother is blogging again! I was so excited to check my email and have a digest from her lovely blog My Thoughts Along The Way. Go give her some love and beg her not to leave us again.