Just breathe.

23 Oct

This song has been stuck in my head all weekend. To be perfectly honest, I can’t even tell you why.

[So I’m going to spend the next thirty minutes agonizing over telling you why, anyway.]

It’s a particularly chaotic time in my life with inordinate amounts of Unknown, but it isn’t unhappy. Still, every time I’ve heard the chorus of this song recently I break down and cry, wherever I’m at, which isn’t typically my modus operandi.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Life doesn’t always make sense, and as painful as it is for my hyper-analytical mind to accept, sometimes that’s okay.

Sometimes that’s what I need.

Sometimes I just have to accept the unknown, accept the pain and the growth and the joy and the blindsides and the No and the Yes all right along with each other, and I have to know that whatever happens, I will be alright.

And if pressing pause on the world for five minutes and crawling under my blankets to breathe is what it takes to get there, then so be it.


6 Responses to “Just breathe.”

  1. K.L.B. October 24, 2011 at 2:48 am #

    I’ve considered pain for quite some time, and am am in the process of concluding that it is good. Laughter, for example, cannot come from a point of perfection, where everything goes according to plan. Rather, it comes from a point of deep anguish, even pain. Why do we laugh at faux pas? Why do we laugh at anything?

    Pain also serves to keep us from seriously harming ourselves. It tells us to stop doing something when we experience pain. That’s why we still have fingers and toes. Hansen’s Disease – more commonly known as Leprosy – attacks the nerve endings, effectively eliminating the sufferer from the ability to feel pain… or pleasure. There is complete anesthesia. Thus, the sufferer will stub a toe, cut or burn a finger, nick themselves while shaving, and never know it when the wound becomes infected, and the affected part eventually dies and falls off.

    Folks have remarked of me that my laugh is perhaps my most characteristic features. And though I never considered it at the time, I suppose they’re right – and now I understand that the laughter – genuine laughter – was/is a response to pain. It’s curative to some extent, yes – although not permanent.

    While I hope you don’t consider my response off-topic, I sensed that pain was the crux of your entry. Toward the end that you acknowledged – that of not looking back – I’d like to share these lyrics with you.

    The song “Never Look Back,” from the 1993 album “Heat It Up,” by DeGarmo & Key.

    I finally rearranged my closet
    And took those old books off the shelf
    I ran across my high school annual
    I saw an awful picture of myself
    I read the lines there in the jacket
    The words there left me feeling sad
    And when I happened on your note there
    I wondered at the wisdom you had

    Never give up, never give in
    You said, Never give up, never give in
    Never forget me when you need a friend
    Never give out, never turn back
    Never let hard times push you off the track
    Never look back

    And isn’t it just like God’s wisdom
    To put grace where He plans to lead
    Today I needed grace to find me
    And your words were there to meet my need

    Never give up, never give in
    You said, Never give up, never give in
    Never forget me when you need a friend
    Never give out, never turn back
    Never let hard times push you off the track
    Never look back

  2. Cléo October 24, 2011 at 4:17 pm #

    Beautiful song! An old friend of mine, Jolinde, wrote a song in that period of her life when she was feeling the same way you do right now. It’s the first song in the list: ‘Just tell me.’ (She’s Dutch) http://www.myspace.com/jolinde
    Crawl under that blanket whenever it helps! Greetings from Belgium

    • The Secret Vatican Spy October 27, 2011 at 11:40 pm #

      Cleo, I’ve been awful about replying to comments since I’m blogging without a computer on my phone now, and tiny screens murder my eyes after a little while – but I LOVE that song. Thanks for the recommendation! Prayers for you and yours!

      • Cléo October 28, 2011 at 11:30 am #

        That’s okay, glad to read you love the song too. I’ll tell Jolinde that a Texan girl is listening to her music, she’ll be excited. (I won’t mention the convert-girl-part, yet ; ) )

  3. Joe (Defend Us In Battle) October 29, 2011 at 4:37 pm #

    Just don’t listen to any Missy Higgins or A Fine Frenzy… that is dangerous

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